Just a Thought Inspired by a Kid's Show

This morning before work, I played an episode of Arthur for my daughter while I got myself and her ready. In this episode, the characters enter a reading challenge to win prizes. One of the characters wants to win a skateboard, so to win more points he reads a book one of the girls received a high score for and loved. But he didn't like the book. So he gave up on reading completely. His mother came to him and handed him a manuscript from a co-worker. Immediately he was hooked and couldn't stop reading. It went everywhere with him. But, when he asked his teacher about it, he learned he couldn't earn points on the quizzes because it wasn't listed. Desperate to win a skateboard, he tried reading the book he didn't like again. But he still wanted to read the other book. In the end he reads the book he likes because he realizes reading isn't about what you can win, but it's for your enjoyment.
Considering I'm a writer, this kid's show struck a chord with me. My book is out there for people to love or hate. As writers, that's the risk we take. I know not everyone will love Kiya and any other book I put out there, but you know what? I don't love every book out there either! I feel that as long as we seek out books we do enjoy, everyone will be happy. When people actively trash talk books, it breaks my heart. I know how much heart and soul goes into these works, so just because I don't like it, doesn't mean someone else won't love it.
Anyone who knows me, knows I'm not a Twilight fan. But, I know Twilight has an insanely huge following. Does that mean I call them stupid or ignorant? No. Does that mean I pick apart Ms. Meyers ability to story tell? No. Her books don't suit me, so I move on to books I do enjoy.
Arthur taught a great lesson to kids which I think adults forget. Everyone is different and like different things. Binkey couldn't stand the bestseller, but he loved the cyborg! There are so many books out there that if you don't like one, you can easily find ten you love. I like to think we are all smart enough to make good judgments on what we know we like, and be kind enough to not say cruel things about those we don't.

Query Critique - Driven by Kelly Heinen

Thank you, Kelly for sending this in! I hope this helps.

Please feel free to add any suggestions below.

Life’s strange: one minute you’re a drummer in a huge rock band, the next you’re knockin’ on death’s door. Jimmy Rickliefs figured he’d go out with a bang; that bang just turned into a whimper.

This is pretty good, I'd just shuffle it up a little bit. Clean the hook up by cutting the "Life's strange" and start by saying "One minute, Jimmy Rickliefs is a drummer..." then for the second sentence say, "He figured he would go out..."

Jimmy always thought he’d go out the rock star way:

Because you have just said "go out with" I'd change this statement somehow, or the one before to avoid repetition.

 an overdose, or alcoholism would get him. But a car accident? Not in the cards.  

Try to avoid asking questions in a query. You don't want the reader to ask the question for themselves and answer negatively. Try saying "But a car accident wasn't on the card."

And thanks to the town drunk, the blue-haired, outgoing drummer might never walk again.  On top of that, he’s battling seizures which would make being a drummer nearly impossible.

Nearly impossible is passive. Just say difficult or something like that.

Faced with the possible end of his career, Jimmy has to make a tough decision: give up on the band, knowing that his family could face financial ruin(comma) or work his ass off to walk again and return to the only job he’s ever known.  Jimmy’s options are limited. (cut) The stage that he loves has become the most dangerous place he could be.  But he’s determined to provide for his growing family… (cut the ... and make it just a comma) and being a rock star is the only way he knows to do it.

DRIVEN is commercial fiction complete at 85,000 words with series potential.  Thank you for your time and consideration.

Tag

I've been tagged so now it's my turn! Thanks for the tag, Stacey Nash!

Now, for the rules... Go to Page 7, 70, or 170 of a current Work in Progress or recently published work and choose 7 lines of dialogue to share.

This is from page 7 of Dancing in the Athenian rain, which is about Donna, who is sent back in time to Athens and she is bought as a wife. She is talking to the scientist who sends her.

“It’s stable enough, but I’m just not sure if I could do an immediate round trip. Eventually, but not right away.”

“Uh huh.”

“Donna.” He set the bowl down and grasped my elbows. “I need someone to go through to tell me if it worked. Don’t you see? You’re perfect for this. You’re adaptable, empathetic, and it would give you a chance to test all those things you learned in your history classes.”

“Ah… no.”

He stared fervently into my eyes. “How about giving you a chance to escape? To start over and be free of your so-called friends?”

Looking For Blog Reviewers

With book 2 of the Kiya trilogy due for release late October, I'm looking to do a review tour for Kiya: Hope of the Pharaoh for the month leading up to the release. If you are interested in helping out, please leave a comment for me so I can include you on my list.
I will be having a draw of a galley for book 2 for those who do participate.

Facebook event link - https://www.facebook.com/events/597635960276923/?fref=ts

Thank you in advance!

NAmazing Adventure Stop

Welcome to my stop on the NAmazing Adventure, a blog hop featuring over 60 New Adult authors, and prize packs that include ARCs, signed books, gift cards, swag, and more! If you're not sure what the NAmazing Adventure is, please click HERE to start from the beginning and read the complete rules on the NA Alley website. Now let's get this journey on the road!

When Naomi’s sisters are snatched up to be taken to be wives of the erratic Pharaoh, Akhenaten, she knows they won’t survive the palace, so she offers herself in their place. The fearsome Commander Horemheb sees her courage, and knows she is exactly what he is looking for…

The Great Queen Nefertiti despises Naomi instantly, and strips her of her Hebrew lineage, including her name, which is changed to Kiya. Kiya allies herself with Horemheb, who pushes her to greatness and encourages her to make the Pharaoh fall in love with her. When Akhenaten declares Kiya will be the mother of his heir, Nefertiti, furious with jealousy, schemes to destroy Kiya.

Kiya must play the deadly game carefully. She is in a silent battle of wills, and a struggle for who will one day inherit the crown. If she does bear an heir, she knows she will need to fight to protect him, as well as herself, from Nefertiti who is out for blood.

Got that jotted down in your quest scroll?

Great, because you’ll need it for the quiz at the end of this quest! And remember, you must complete ALL SIX quizzes to be eligible for a prize pack.

Thanks for stopping by. Ready to move on?

Click HERE to go to the next stop on your adventure!

Query Critique - Crossing Lau Dai La by Hong Tran

Here is this week's query critique. A big thank you to Hong Tran for sending this through for me to look at. Again, leave comments and suggests for her to help out!


I’m seeking representation for CROSSING LAU DAI LA, a MG fantasy that blends Vietnamese folklore and Western mythical creatures. 

So this should be at the end. You need your hook to be first. I would also cut "I'm seeking representation for" and say, "CROSSING LAU DAI LA is a MG...." But looking down, you seem to have information in your last paragraph, I'd blend it together there.

Eleven-year-old Linh Briggston loves Vietnamese fairy tales. She even daydreams about them that she almost never listens to her mother.

So, these two sentences would be a stronger hook as one. Try something like this: Eleven-year-old Linh Briggston daydreams about Vietnamese fairy tales so much that she  rarely listens her mother. You could make it stronger in your own words. And drop the almost never, for rarely as almost never is weak.

 Linh’s dreams come true when a winged horse whisks her away from Ireland to the parallel world of Lau Dai La. 

Okay, this should be your hook. This is what makes your story unique and interesting. You should find a way to incorporate this into your first sentence.

There, she meets the power-hungry Kerai who have destroyed that land with their dark magic.

When the Kerai learn that Linh is a human, they capture her and force her to retrieve a crossbow that will allow them to bridge their land to Earth. Linh refuses until they deliver her an ultimatum: locate the weapon or her mother will die. During her imprisonment, Linh encounters a fairy named Tombo who promises that he can help locate the crossbow if she takes him back to Earth. 

But he’s one magical creature whose friendship doesn’t come easy. 

This sentence feels a bit sloppy. Maybe just "But Tombo's friendship doesn't come easily." We know he's magical because he's a fairy :-)

Linh must work with him to find the crossbow for the Kerai and save her mother before it’s too late. (Cut)

Complete at 44,000 words, CROSSING LAU DAI LA will appeal to fans of Rick Riordan’s PERCY JACKSON AND THE OLYMPIANS series and Grace Lin's WHERE THE MOUNTAIN MEETS THE MOON. The complete novel stands alone, but has series potential. 

As I said said earlier, bring the info about the book at the beginning and incorporate it here.

Cover Reveal - Stay With Me by Elyssa Patrick

***NAmazing Adventure - Just scroll down :-) ****

It's a Cover Reveal today! It's for Stay With Me by Elyssa Patrick.

Blurb: 

With one look, I’m his . . .

With one touch, he’s mine . . . 

With one kiss, it changes everything between us . . . 

I’ve been famous since I can remember. Singing, acting, dancing—I’ve done it all. The tabloids cover my every move, but I don’t want that anymore. I want to be normal, whatever that is. When I leave Hollywood for college in Vermont, I’m on my own for the first time in my life. This is my chance to figure out who I am and what I want in life. 

But it’s a lot harder than I expected. I can’t escape my image. Classes are hard, and I’m struggling. And then there’s Caleb Fox. Sexy, intriguing Caleb Fox. Caleb is the one man who doesn’t want to use me. He breaks down my walls. He challenges me. He wants me. And I just don’t know if I can give him the same—or if he’ll stick around when he finds out my shameful secret that the tabloids haven’t managed to uncover. Dating him is risky enough, but loving him could break me.

Here's the cover!

Stay With Me, a sexy New Adult releasing 8/30/13!

Exclusive excerpt:

I give him a look. “You’re not really expecting me to introduce myself, are you?”

“Why not?” 

“Because . . . because . . .” I look up at the sky; no answers are there among the few stars that have now broken free of the clouds. “Because it seems silly. We already know each other’s names.” 

“Let’s pretend we don’t. Here. I’ll start.” He holds out his right hand to me. “Hi, I’m Caleb Fox.” 

I stare at his hand. “This is—” 

“I’m sorry. I don’t talk to strangers.” 

“Funny.” But then I decide to play along—I tell myself that it’s not to feel Caleb’s hand around mine once again. “Hi, Caleb. I’m Hailey Bloom.” I like saying his name. 

“Hi, Hailey.” I like it even more when he says mine. His hand grasps mine in a firm, no-nonsense grip. It should be an ordinary handshake. Something brief and impersonal, and something easily forgotten. This handshake is anything but ordinary, and I don’t think I’ll ever forget it. His slightly rough skin is still cool against mine, and his thumb sweeps the inside of my wrist. I gasp out loud and his fingers briefly tighten. The handshake should be over by now. He doesn’t let go. Neither do I. 

“Now we’ve met,” he finally says. 

“Yes,” My mouth feels dry, and I lick my lips. “We have.” 

Try our slideshow creator at Animoto.

Goodreads link for STAY WITH ME: http://www.goodreads.com/book/show/17875132-stay-with-me 

Author bio: Elyssa Patrick writes sexy, emotional contemporary romances and New Adult. She is currently working on her next novel.
 website: http://elyssapatrick.blogspot.com/
Twitter: @elyssapatrick
Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/#!/pages/Elyssa-Patrick/354635801277736
Goodreads: http://www.goodreads.com/author/show/6469665.Elyssa_Patrick Elyssa Patrick www.elyssapatrick.com

Like a Virgin Blog Hop

So I'm jumping in on this one with an old MS I've had sitting around since I was seventeen! I've just done rewrites to clean it up and make less... childish, I guess, and I want to see how it goes in the big bad world. But anyway! Here's the Q&A's for the blog hop.

How do you remember your first kiss?

2000, I lived in Sydney and I was at my 8th grade boyfriend's house for the Sydney Olympics opening ceremony. I remember during the procession of teams from each country we got bored, so while his parents left to refill the food and drink he kissed me. His younger brothers started yelling, "Gross!"
His dad drove us home afterward, and we made out the whole way, which was a 30 minute drive. I'm surprised his dad didn't tell him to back off actually. Aussies, we're odd ones. LOL 
I remember it being kind of slobbery...

What was your first favorite love song?

First ever? A Whole New World from Aladdin. I was like... eight.

What’s the first thing you do when you begin writing for the day?

Check my emails lol. I always read the last little bit I wrote to make sure I get the flow.

Who’s the first writer who truly inspired you to become a writer?

Either John Marsden of Melinda Marchetta, and JK Rowling's style I want to emulate; great story and characters, but written in a way anyone can enjoy.

Did the final revision of your first book have the same first chapter it started with?

I never rewrote the first book I wrote. I wrote it when I was twelve and I think it's cute! Ha ha ha! But my first published book, Kiya? Pretty much. I removed some info dumping but that's it.

For your first book, which came first: major characters, plot or setting?

Characters. Characters are my priority. In my opinion, you can build a fabulous world, but without the reactions of the people in it the story can't come alive.

What’s the first word you want to roll off the tip of someone’s tongue when they think of your writing?

Wow.

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Query Critique - Weeping Willow by Susan Fisher

Today I'm doing a query critique! Thank you to Susan Fisher for being brave enough to submit her query to me. If you would like a critique, see the details here. Please feel free to leave any suggestions or advice in the comments.

So here we go!

Dear Agent:

I am seeking representation for Weeping Willow, my YA fantasy novel, complete at approximately 90,000 words. This mainstream novel fuses friendship with betrayal, honesty with treachery, and love with loss, all while unfolding the mysterious gifts of a secret supernatural society. This novel employs that perseverance against all odds can produce a joyous outcome, but attaining what you need and what you desire are not always intertwined.

This paragraph should be moved to the end. You want to start with your story 'hook' to draw the reader in. I'd also recommend trimming it down.

If 11^th grade isn’t already challenging enough, discovering you’re a witch with the potential to become evil definitely complicates matters.  

Try cutting this line and include the information about her being a witch in the next line. You want to have a really strong opening.  

When Sutton Willow’s mom kicks her to the curb with two suitcases and a “this is for your own good” letter, she is forced to return to her home town of Weeping, West Virginia, and move in with her older sister. 

So here, I'd try something like... "(Age) Sutton Willow has been kicked out of home after discovering she is a witch, a potentially evil witch...". Then in the next sentence mention where she has moved. Obviously it doesn't have to be word for word, but something like that.

Sutton barely has time to adapt to her new environment before discovering that she and her new friends are gifted with the craft—witchcraft that is. 

I'd probably just say they are gifted at witchcraft so you don't have the is at the end of the sentence.

Just when abnormal begins to feel normal, Sutton learns that her paternal father has sent several unusual people to watch her magical progression—one of whom she falls madly in love with. 

You don't want with at the end of the sentence. I suggest something like - including the boy for whom she has developed feelings. It's not great, but you get it.

When her sister mysteriously vanishes, Sutton is determined to find her; no matter what! (Cut) But when haunting memories from the past resurface, she must decipher what is real and what is magic.

The complexities of a new identity combined with a missing sister and the struggles of an inappropriate relationship(comma) force Sutton into a tailspin of uncertainty. She must adapt to her craft, ward off the enemy, find her sister, and protect her gift from exposure—all while battling the urge to become evil like her father. Will she remain a light witch? Or will the Watchers provoke the evil from within? 

Drop the rhetoricals. I think you could end it after her father. You also bring in the term "Watchers" in the last sentence. If they are the unusual people you mentioned earlier, name them then. It means probably reconstructing that sentence into two, one that talks about the watchers, then a sentence which says something like, "To her shock, one of the Watchers is the boy she loves."

Thanks for letting me look at this, Susan! I hope this is helpful and wish you luck!

Katie

An Invitation to Pitch to Soul Mate Publishing

I received this from my publisher for Branded. If you're going to be in the area, give it a shot!

Soul Mate Publishing

An Invitation to Pitch to Soul Mate Publishing

Cindy Brannam, Char Chaffin, Debby Gilbert, and Cheryl Yeko from Soul Mate Publishing will be attending RWA Nationals in Atlanta. All editors will be setting up pitch appointments to take place at a designated location at the Marriott Marquis.

Anyone interested in pitching to these editors can email them directly to request a pitch appointment.

Cindy Brannam: Cindy’s looking for fresh voices in Chick Lit, Women’s Fiction, Contemporary and Historical romance — all heat levels. (No erotica, F/F, M/M or multiples.)  Cindy@SoulMatePublishing.com

Char Chaffin: Char welcomes all genres, and is constantly on the lookout for imaginative, edgy, romantic passion that will sweep her away. Paranormal/fantasy is also a favorite of hers. Char@SoulMatePublishing.com

Debby Gilbert: Debby’s looking for unique twists in all genres of romance. Debby@SoulMatePublishing.com

Cheryl Yeko: Cheryl welcomes Romantic Suspense, Paranormal, Sci-Fi, Contemporary, and Erotica.Cheryl@SoulMatePublishing.com

Cover Reveal - Soul Ties by Lisa Swallow

Today I am lucky enough to be part of the Soul Ties cover reveal for Lisa Swallow. Here is the blurb and the cover!

Ava didn’t expect to find terrible secrets about the fate of the souls she takes.

Or fall in love...

Soul-hunter Ava has retrieved hundreds of souls from demons, but has never been assigned the dangerous mission for a Nephilim soul. She must hunt down Keir since she needs his Nephilim soul to trade for her freedom.

When she arrives on campus and meets Keir, she also meets a strange girl, Dahlia, who has an inexplicable hold on him. Unexpectedly Ava discovers Keir holds secrets that are more valuable than his Nephilim soul – secrets she could trade for the life she wants.

When she uncovers the true fate of the souls she takes back to her superiors, and what Keir is doing to stop it, Ava’s world is turned upside down. She finds herself in the middle of a war where the lines between good and evil are blurred and she only has two choices… Betray Keir and live or join his battle and risk going to Hell.

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:

Lisa was born in the UK and she moved around Europe with her military family before completing a BA (Hons) in English at the University of Leeds. Her home is now in Perth, Australia with her husband and three children. Lisa has written since she was a child - moving from writing poems and short stories aged nine to writing novels in the last few years. With the encouragement of her family and local writers group, Lisa found the confidence to share her latest paranormal romance series with the world.

In between running her home based craft supplies business, looking after her family, and writing, Lisa sometimes finds spare time to do other things. This often involves swapping her book worlds for gaming worlds. She even leaves the house occasionally, enjoying walks with her dog and time with her family. She loves all things from the Whedonverse and preferred vampires before they sparkled.

Facebook: www.facebook.com/lisaswallowbooks

Twitter: www.twitter.com/lisa_swallow_au

Website: www.lisaswallow.net

Goodreads: www.goodreads.com/author/show/7091632.Lisa_Swallow

Pen and Muse

Today I'm the guest poster at Pen and Muse. Check it out here as I talk about why I signed with a small press.

And as an incredibly amazing side note, Kiya reached #59 on the Amazon bestsellers during the night, and I'm ranked as #3 on Amazon's bestselling historical fiction Authors!

99c Blowout Sale!

During July, Curiosity Quills is putting their books on sale for 99c! Each week will be a different genre on sale, and this week my book, Kiya: Hope of the Pharaoh is up. So far, sales have been beyond what I expected. Right now it's sitting at #61 of ALL paid kindle books on Amazon and 2nd in all it's genres. I don't have the words to express how amazed I am! Thank you to everyone who has bought it, and for those who will!

So swing by and check out the sales books with Curiosity Quills. I will post a list of the books available and when as soon as I get it.

Here's the link to all the CQ books on Amazon. Follow it this month to see when each book goes on sale.